The Twitching Hour

I tried to dictate this blog without looking at it. Because I twitch and drool every time I look at any sort of light. Talk to text doesn’t work well. So here goes nothing.

The trouble, as I remember it, began on April 20. I was having light sensitivity while driving to a clinic appointment. I had recently started a new psychiatric medication. Three days later, I started another.The light sensitivity only got worse, even though I stopped the medication they thought was causing the problem.

Since then, I have returned to my trusted medications. The ones I’ve never had a problem with before. My vision continues to deteriorate, even though I am now going off of those meditations again.

And I am told the only thing to do at this point is to go off all my psychiatric medication again, which is debilitating. I cannot afford another nervous breakdown . They can take years to recover from, and I don’t have an extra two to three years on my hands.

The blurred vision and light sensitivity were disconcerting, but when I started drooling, I suspected something neurological was going on. I called urgent care and they recommended that I go to the ER. After a lot of scary tests, they determined that I was not having a stroke. I was referred to the ophthalmologist to see if he could help me.

No retinal detachment or pressure in my eyes. Which is good, but it’s also not an answer. I was given steroid eye drops. The symptoms got better for a bit last night (day four of treatment), so I am somewhat hopeful.

I twitch for an hour or two every night, even though I’ve reduced the medications. One would think that tapering off would make things better, not worse. I’m not a professional, but I don’t see the harm in putting me on a waitlist at least for a neurologist. I hear it can take months.

My doctor, however, prefers to treat me like I’m a lunatic. She told me I needed to learn to “take a chill pill.” Lady, if your vision was blurred, you couldn’t look at any source of light, and you started drooling at random, you would be concerned, too. She also suggested I take a bath in a dark room. Well, since I have trouble reading, writing, watching television, and driving, I’m kind of limited as far as other activities are concerned. So kudos to her for being highly insensitive at best, and completely useless to diagnose my condition at worst. She’s almost as useful as the gentleman who told me to “be in nature” to cure my psychiatric conditions. Uh-huh.

And I love my med manager, but the last time I went off all my meds, I had panic attacks for hours at a time. Being off medication renders me non-functional as well. So I have two choices. Blind as a bat, or bats*** crazy.

Speaking of bats, my current theory is that I was bitten by a vampire and didn’t know it. The aversion to sunlight makes sense. The drool must be blood lust.

In the meantime, my cat sitting gig and in-person doctor visits have been put on hold. I can’t easily apply for new jobs. I’m ok with help from family and money in savings for now. But this is beyond frustrating.

My med manager is doing a DNA test for med compatibility. That is, as soon as I can get a ride to her office. I think I’m done for now. This hurts too much.

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