Smoke Gets in Your Eyes

Hello, party people.

I know I keep saying this, but I don’t think I’ve ever been this tired. But I am also very tired of seeing doctors. So I guess I will continue to fight through the fatigue and keep on keepin’ on.

I have theories as to why I feel so tired. I feel terrible that wildfires are ravaging the west coast. But smoky conditions make my eyeballs into dryballs. I’m having to put eyedrops in 8-14 times a day. It’s more than annoying, as I don’t know who will want to hire me outside of my own home when I am constantly running to my car or to the bathroom to lubricate my peepers. The home humidifier helps a lot, so I really don’t know how frequently I’ll need to attend to my eyes in the real world.

Which leaves at-home options. I am currently applying for a transcription job, but the extended application will take quite a few hours. I’m not doing so great in the practice test. I wanted to go back to school for medical coding and billing, but I’m not sure how many hours per day I can handle on a computer without negative consequences the following day. I’m guessing at this point that I will only be able to work part-time.

And as I am running out of money in savings, I have to find a “survival job” sooner rather than later.

I started this entry several days ago, and had to give up on it. Too many hours on a screen caused a few painful days of recovery.

And, as soon as I gave up applying for a transcription job, I found an extension called “Dark Reader” in the Edge webstore. Of course. But, moving forward, this may enable me to spend more time on the computer and apply for other jobs. A small victory! I did give up and schedule yet another appointment with the ophthalmologist. My level of functioning on a daily basis is still not consistent, and I need help.

Time to be the squeakiest wheel.

Not only is smoke in my eyes, but fog is in my brain. I seem to be forgetting things and screwing up left and right. My cognitive ability, which went the way of the Dodo sometime in March, is still not in full force. We have to go back to complete school registration next week and attend to an error I made when submitting the annual update through the campus portal.

I am hoping to God school stays open this year. My kid is going back in-person. I wish the Delta variant wasn’t a thing. I am worried about the schools having to go hybrid or shutting down entirely. Which would mean more devastating isolation for my child.

It’s not okay that so many Idahoans (or Americans) do not take this virus seriously. It has caused horrible complications for those of us with disabilities and underlying health conditions. It isn’t fair to my child, who has mental health struggles. He also has anxiety about potentially spreading this disease, even though the members of our household have been vaccinated.

So me and mine are masking up almost everywhere we go now. I abandoned the mask last night to attend an outdoor performance of A Midsummer Night’s Dream by The Boise Bard Players. Not only was the play outstanding, but I saw three of my old theatre friends. It makes me feel terrible that those of us who actually made it in the field have had their lives, passions, and livelihoods so adversely affected by this terrible virus. I used to live vicariously through their experiences, and I was so happy that they were still able to work in the performing arts. I saw locally and through social media how hard they had to work to survive and/or reinvent themselves. I applaud their versatility. But I think it’s utterly tragic that selfish people, or those spreading disinformation, won’t take proper precautions to ensure that live performances can continue to flourish.

Speaking of performing arts, after last night, my kid can’t wait to audition for The Boise Bard Players when he is old enough. He takes after his mom.

I am so happy that I found a dark filter for websites. But I think I’ve reached my limit. Have a good weekend, y’all.

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