Cloudy with a Chance of Brain Fog

Hey all.

I used to think all I wanted was a diagnosis. Now that they’re getting closer to a diagnosis I’m terrified. Scary things I thought they’d eliminated at the regular doc? The rheumatologist says they’re still on the table. The first round of blood work looked wonderful (of course). But he’s doing X-rays and ultrasounds in the hopes of narrowing down a diagnosis.

I have my theories and they still may prove true. Now in addition to my spine, my hips are all messed up. The right one is particularly angry with me. I’m scared to look at the results of the hip X-ray they did yesterday. It’s not in yet, but every time I think about it I have anxiety. I think he’s hinging his theory on spondylitis, which they did a genetic test for. I don’t have the gene for it. But from what a read, a small percentage of caucasians who develop it don’t have that gene.

So instead of crying from the anxiety, I think I’ll go take a short shower with the help of my trusty shower chair. I’m used to my knees buckling. But my right hip went out on me in the shower the other day and I almost fell. So I was on the fence about asking about (even temporary) disabled parking considerations. But with unpredictable joint problems, I will ask my doctor when I see him later today.

And I just forgot to relate this post to the title. Typical. I have a dozen alarms that go off every day to remind me to do basic things. I also have a white board so I can remember what has to be done. But I’m spending so much time just completing basic tasks that I don’t make time to do the things I like to do.

I want to paint my carousel horse of the apocalypse, for example. My hip has been in too much pain to sit properly so I can do that. I finally found dark mode on TikTok but I still can’t stand to look at more than one or two videos at a time. For some reason it gives me motion sickness.

I’ll find things I like to do that are within my limitations eventually. Adapting is a challenge. I will keep you posted.

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